Have you ever poured your love into everyone else — your partner, your family, your friends, but still feel empty inside? I wrote As a Woman, Love Yourself for women just like you. This book is dedicated to the women who’ve been through a lot in life and end up struggling to know how to love themselves. They put everyone first and forget the one person who truly matters most, themselves.
If you’re reading this, you might be wondering: Am I struggling with self-love? Here are some common signs that many women experience, and how to begin healing from them.
You Constantly Put Others Before Yourself
Do you say yes to everyone else’s needs but barely think about your own? If you’re always prioritizing others, you might be avoiding your own pain and needs. This pattern often comes from a deep desire to be loved or needed by others, but it actually shows that you’re not valuing yourself enough.
- Start healing: Begin saying no when something drains you or doesn’t feel right. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s self-respect.
You Struggle with Negative Self-Talk
How often do you catch yourself thinking things like “I’m not good enough” or “I messed up again”? When your inner voice is harsh, it’s a strong sign you’re not giving yourself the kindness you give others. Instead of encouraging yourself, you criticize every mistake, replay past failures, and doubt your abilities. Over time, this constant negative self-talk slowly weakens your confidence, self-worth, and belief in who you are as a woman.
- Start healing: Replace harsh thoughts with gentle affirmations like “I am worthy” or “I deserve kindness.” Speak to yourself like you’d speak to your best friend.
You Settle for Less in Relationships
Do you stay in relationships where you don’t feel valued? Many women think that loving someone else means sacrificing themselves. When you don’t love yourself, you might tolerate poor treatment because you believe you don’t deserve better.
- Start healing: Recognize your worth. You deserve relationships that honor and respect you.
You Fear Being Alone
If you dread quiet moments alone and always need someone around to feel okay, this might be a sign you haven’t learned to enjoy your own company yet.
Start healing: Try small solo activities, a walk, a coffee date with yourself, or journaling. Being comfortable alone builds inner strength.
You’re Always Comparing Yourself to Others
Social media makes this so easy: scroll, compare, then feel less. But comparing yourself to others steals your joy and slowly convinces your mind that you’re not enough, making you doubt your beauty, progress, worth, and unique journey in life.
- Start healing: Limit social media and focus on your own journey. Celebrate your wins, even the small ones.
You Neglect Self-Care
Skipping meals, losing sleep, or ignoring your own health is more than tiredness, it’s a signal that you don’t believe your needs matter. Many women are so used to being strong for everyone else that they forget to be gentle with themselves. You push through exhaustion, tell yourself you’ll rest later, and keep going even when your body is begging for a break. Over time, this creates burnout, resentment, and emotional emptiness, making self-love feel even more distant.
- Start healing: Create a simple self-care routine. It doesn’t have to be fancy, even drinking more water or sleeping a little earlier sends a message that you matter.
You Seek Constant Validation
Do you rely on compliments and approval from others to feel good about yourself? When you struggle with self-love, your self-worth becomes tied to outside approval, instead of coming from inside you. You may find yourself constantly seeking validation, feeling anxious when it’s not given, or doubting yourself when others are silent. Over time, this can leave you feeling empty, insecure, and unsure of who you truly are without external praise.
- Start healing: Notice your achievements and remind yourself of them. You don’t need others to tell you how valuable you are.
How to Begin Healing
Healing and learning self-love is a journey, not a destination. Here are some starting steps:
- Set healthy boundaries.
- Practice positive self-talk and self-compassion.
- Celebrate even small wins.
- Surround yourself with people who uplift you.
- Do something kind for yourself every day. forbes.com
If these signs resonate with you, know that you’re not alone, and that healing is possible. In my book As a Woman, Love Yourself, I share practical stories and steps to help women stop putting themselves last and start loving who they truly are.
You deserve love, especially from you.